Aunt Kitty’s room on Friday

On Friday’s Aunt Kitty didn’t come to bed after she made breakfast and saw her husband and daughter off to work. Those old fashioned, dust-colored shades that were at her bedroom windows were already up. We watched The Brady Bunch and played I Declare War with Aunt Kitty for caps full of Jhonnie Walker Red while the 700 Club played in the background. We took long naps on Friday afternoons.

THE KITCHEN

Aunt Kitty’s Kitchen

Breakfast: Golden Grahams, Frosted Flakes, Cookie Crisps, Fruit Loops, Cheerios, Rice Krispies. Mismatched bowls and spoons – some with plastic handles, some without. Cold milk and three happy little children. Prizes from the depths of colorful cardboard boxes accumulated atop the beige Frigidaire in their plastic wrappers; until there were three. Aunt Kitty was fair.

Lunch: tuna fish, peanut butter and jelly, Spaghetti O’s, cold-cut sandwiches, chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese on Sunbeam, white bread.

Another room

Aunt Kitty’s Living Room

DO NOT ENTER.

as prim and proper as
any parlor.

it was a living room on second street.
uptown.

grandsons and doughboys
and grandsons who were dough boys
sat on the stoop.

music playing
weed passing
right underneath the window of
aunt kitty’s off-limits living room.

Aunt Kitty's Room

A piece I worked on for my experimental forms class....

Aunt Kitty’s Room

Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday.

S

uspended in a cyclic, always commencing rat race of the week, we laid still at the foot of Aunt Kitty’s bed. It was 7:30 a.m. and even though it was spring, it was upstate New York and as crisp and cold as a December afternoon. It felt good for the three of us – A’donji, Niager and I – all huddled together watching Maya the Bee. Aunt Kitty lay at the head of the bed, trying to sneak in another few minutes of sleep. “Stop wallowing around down there or I’m going to turn the TV off.” Wallowing? We were six and seven-year-olds. Small. “I was just trying to get comfortable,” I said. A pale protest to the brazen, tough-talking woman who we shared the bed with. Aunt Kitty responded with a snore. Niager laughed. A’Donji heard her snore and raised it with one of his own.

Still not done packing...

Of course, my move coincides with my last week or so of classes and of course, I'm feeling overwhelmed by both. I'm surrounded with packing cartons and piles of books. I wasn't aware of how much stuff I had until I had to shove it all in boxes and storage bins. I don't know how to allocate my time anymore. Packing? Homework? Job search? As of late, none seem appealing. Arrrrrgggghhhh!!!

So...I'm frustrated and tired and befuddled and overwhelmed and I'm procrastinating.

Falling behind

So, it seems that I've fallen behind on my weekly blogging. I believe that this is part and parcel of my - diminishing, but existing - resistance to put myself on display. This probably seems weird, considering that I'm a writer and my goal is to make my work public. However, the separation of my work from me is something that I have always found comfort in. I'm social and can even be outgoing...but, not in a center-of-attention sort of way. I'm not shy and don't try to fade into the background, but I've never been interested in putting myself on display.

Which brings me to the phenomenon of facebook. I've found myself updating my status daily. My status updates used to (and for the most part, still are) abstract and ambiguous. Most often, they share the "status"of my daydreams, flights of fancy or opinion on things going on around me. However, lately, more than once, I've actually updated my physical status. For instance, last week I shared with all of my facebook "friends" that I was picking my little sister up from the airport. That seemed overly self-indulgent and later, I wished I hadn't have been so specific.

Anyway, there are so many ways of putting ourselves on display now. And, I'd rather put my work on display. I think I'm going to aim for less facebook time and more focus on my writing. I'm also looking for more creative ways to use my blog to further my writerly goals.

The Plague of the Lames

I declare that it is ineffectual for men to ignore a woman's message of: "STAY AWAY, I'M NOT INTERESTED." Particularly when it is clearly relayed through body language, facial expression and short, trite responses. Yet, all too often, in spite of all this, some socially inept men insistently and continually pursue women who rest beyond their reach.

I acknowledge that this declaration is neither original nor clever. However, it seems that no matter how many times we women announce this, our gripes fall upon deaf ears. Or, perhaps, since the women who regard this pursuance as unacceptable and bothersome rarely, if ever, find ourselves among such men in social situations. Thus, our cries for help and warnings that our disinclination is not a game of "hard-to-get," but a real message that we'd rather not have your company -- never reach it to the population that needs to hear it. In fact, it is likely that we are merely singing to the choir. We're simply venting to a crowd of men and women who are already in the know.

So, what's left to do? I've tried being polite and engaging in small talk with men who wouldn't have a chance in hell at walking me to the bus stop, let alone taking me out for a date. However, in my experience, such a warm disposition is almost always misconstrued as a welcome mat. Men take my engagement as a sign that they have a chance. Somehow my response that "it is a nice day today," or that "I too, am proud to have Obama as my president," seems to convince some already delusional man that I am attainable.

Now, some have asked how I know right away that a man hasn't a chance in the world. Take a run-in I had with a run-of-the-mill Hustle Man on the subway last week:

Well, for starters we're at the subway station and I'm quietly waiting for the next train, listening to my iPod and leafing through a book. There is a man pacing back and forth peddling CD's and asking anyone if they have an extra transit pass. At this point than I've already surmised that our meeting certainly isn't kismet. On the train, he encroached on my personal space by sitting much too close to me (while ignoring every unspoken social rule because there were other free seats). By this point, you can bet I've gone from being amused by his antics to being annoyed by his ignorance.

And still, he does the unthinkable. He taps me on my thigh. Now I'm pissed. It wasn't necessary to touch me. It isn't acceptable to touch me. I rip my iPod from my ears, and turn and ask the man not to touch me. He starts rambling about how he didn't mean anything and how he just wanted to know how he could make me smile. He went on with the age-old line about how I was too pretty not to smile.

I excused myself and moved to one of the many free seats on the train, turned my music to top volume and ignored the fool until I reached my stop.

The Biggest Loser Antics

So, I have to admit, I've been sucked into watching The Biggest Loser on NBC. From the show's conception, there were things that I didn't like about it. Particularly, the fact that the dangerously, overweight contestants are forced to stand on an enormous scale...without shirts!!! The men are bare chested and the the women wear just a sports bra. They are clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed. My thinking is this: these people are not just slightly overweight. In fact, they've even outgrown the hurtful term "fat." All of the contestants are morbidly obese. We can see this through their clothes. We can see this from a mile away! So, why is it necessary to put them on a scale, scantly clad to make us all more painfully aware of their enormity? It seems cruel and unnecessary. This is all done for the cameras. Dramatic affect.

This is only the first transgression. When a contestant is voted off the show (which to me, is asinine - but, I'll revisit later) the light in the refrigerator, yes REFRIGERATOR with their name on it is turned off to signal their loss. To me, this seems to aim to poke fun at the losing contestant. I mean seriously, is that necessary?

Then, I have a problem with the fact that each week, there is at least one (sometimes more) contestant who is thrown off the show. WHY? In several segments during the show, the viewers and the contestants are told how deadly obesity can be. It's explained that if these contestants don't get their life together and lose the weight, they're destined for an early grave. Then, twenty minutes later, they kick them off the show.

I understand the competition of the show...however, couldn't there still be a "biggest loser," at the end, without them having to leave the "weight-loss ranch?" Wouldn't it be possible to still do weekly weigh-ins, have incentives and prizes...have a lively competition without kicking these people -who are finally fighting for their life -off the ranch?

I don't know. I suppose I should just quit watching the show. But, I can't...I sort of love it!!!

Red Light Blues

So, despite my initial disdain at the idea of a Blackberry, somehow the cosmos came together and I ended up with one. All of my friends had one and insisted that I HAD to have one. It can do everything! It can open attachments (which is admittedly my one of my favorite capabilities of this smart phone), alert you when you received emails, facebook updates and tons of other things.

Now, my gut was against all of this. The idea of everyone being able to reach me so readily made me uneasy. I'm still nostalgic about the days when you left the house and didn't think about who was trying to reach you until you came home and hit the button on the answering machine.

But, I told myself that I could resist. That I could use the phone in moderation. I wouldn't be a slave to this device. That lasted for about a week. Just long enough for me to figure out how that darn thing worked. And then...it was a wrap!

Now, every time I turn around I'm looking at my phone to see if that incessant red light is blinking. And when it isn't, I'm pushing every button...sure that there must be a mistake. It's been entire 5 minutes and someone must have sent me a text, an email, or written on my facebook wall. At minimum, someone must have commented on my status or updated theirs...right? Someone had to have posted a note or shared the fact that they were washing their hair? Walking their dog? Preparing dinner? Shopping? Right...and all of these things matter to me because...

THEY DON'T. They shouldn't! They didn't a short while ago.

I'm putting myself on punishment. I'm using my phone to make and receive calls and to send and receive texts for an entire week. Wish me luck!

The Discovery of Daytime TV

Initially, when I was laid off from my job back in November, all I could think of was all of bad things that accompanied job loss. Like loss of income & health insurance...the perils of looking for a new gig. However, I never imagined that I'd find a new love...DAY TIME TV!!! Good Morning America, Regis and Kelly, The View, People's Court, Ellen, Oprah...what a line up! And I never thought I'd be able to get into these shows. Plus, I don't even have cable. I'm afraid of what could happen if I did! Well, I've had to force myself to turn the TV off just so that I can get something done!

The scary thing is, I was never a big TV watcher before. In fact, I can remember a time where I'd unplug the TV if I needed an extra outlet, b/c it was the least use thing in the room! Luckily, I'm still sticking to the no TV in the bedroom rule...

Moving!

As of May 1st, I'll officially be a resident of Baltimore city! Around this time last year I moved from Catsonville (Baltimore County) to Owings Mills (further north in Baltimore County) and my convenience and contentment went from average to not-so-good.

Owings Mills is great if you want to be within a 2 mile radius of Wal-Mart, Target, Home Depot, Sams Club, BJ's, a lame mall, a couple of movie theaters, various shopping plazas and restaurants...but, if you desire to be able to walk ANYWHERE, you're in the wrong place. I didn't realize how bad it was getting from one place to the next until my car was totaled in December. Since then, I've become very familiar with Baltimore's public transportation...which leaves a lot to be desired!

So, bye-bye Owings Mills! Baltimore, here I come! I can't wait to be able to WALK to school! :)

St. Paul Robber

Well, I was parked on St. Paul last week...right near the corner of Mr. Royal. I just needed to drop of my mid-term project to Jenny's mailbox. Well...it was such a nice day out that a friend and me figured we'd sit outside and have a slice of pizza for lunch. No big deal right? WRONG. By the time I'd returned to the car, some idiot had broken the window out of the driver's side door and stolen my cell phone and some other crap! Arrrggggggh!

Oh well! The phone has been deactivated and Verizon has identified the phone as stolen and won't activate it...so it's of no use to the loser. That makes me smile.

Back to Baltimore

Good morning! In just a few, I'll be heading back to Baltimore. Back to reality. Though, these past few days have been rejuvenating. I got my fill of family, food and craziness. Now, I look forward to airport security and hoping there is room for my my carry-on luggage with is admittedly large in the over-head bin. If it is, I'll be able to avoid standing around that carousel waiting for my black bag that always ends up looking like every other black bags. Oh well...I know the drill!

I Love NY

Spending the last few days at home in NY, seems to have been just what I needed. With the semester picking up, I'd began to feel pretty burnt out. Taking 3 classes last semester and three this semester has proven to be more of a challenge than I'd anticipated. I'm mentally exhausted. Not to mention working on my novel...or should I say not working on it. I spend more time agonizing over how far I have to go with this novel than I do actually putting pen to paper.

This week will be the week that I win. It will be the week that I gain and maintain control. I'm speaking it into existence. Ask me how it's going on Wednesday...that's usually as long as my will and follow-through lasts. Here's to a fresh start! :-D

choose your own adventure?

i'm becoming increasingly more frustrated with this our choose your own adventure story. nothing seems to be working out the way i'd planned. perhaps i'm thinking too much of the logistics when i just need to finalize the story at this stage. hoping my classmates can give me some suggestions/insight during class tonight...

AWP hang over

Well, I'm the queen of ambiguity. So, it comes as no surprise that I left AWP feeling inspired and simultaneously discouraged. I mean how could I not be inspired? I was surrounded by hundreds, possibly thousands of writers. People who's mere presence validated my desire to write. They were proof that I wasn't alone...that there are other people outside of UB that are chasing the same dream. And they were all incredibly hopeful. Though, I overheard many expressing fear or doubt about the collapse of the publishing industry and newspapers and peoples' disinterest in reading good work. They were disappointed by the seemingly insatiable demand for what many consider the "trashy, grocery store genre" of books. I saw through this though. They were there. This alone insisted that they wanted to believe that there was still a place for them...for good literature...good writing.

However, I was discouraged by all of those writers! I'm a novice. The realest thing about my writing is my desire to write. Though, now I see that there are thousands of people are there working to the same end. And, as many panelist confirmed, it's hard to get published. The market for good writing, is diminishing. It's becoming increasingly more difficult for authors to compete with reality TV and other mindless pastimes. And, what bothered me most, is that I (yes me) am a part of this disenchanted, less curious population. Yes, I read more than most. But, not as feverishly. Not as intently. Not as exclusively. It seems these days, reading always has to share my attention with something else...

I don't know. I'll take an aspirin, and see how I feel in the morning...

2 hours later...

...and still nothing. okay. that's it. i look forward to class tonight. i'm interested in finding out how my classmates did with this task. someone enlighten me! damn it, "garden of forking paths!"

Wild Goose Chase?

Am I just inept when it comes to Internet searches? I continue to come up empty. I've started and abandoned this task several times this week. I quickly became frustrated each time I started to look for an interesting presentation of "The Garden of Forking Paths," using hypertext. I've found several sites that provided summaries of the story, background on the author and even great suggestions and exploration of ideas of how the story could be presented using hypertext. But, no actual hypertext. Hmmmmm....

I hope that I'm not the only one who's come up empty handed!

Click the red

I found a website that approached the Garden of Forking Paths with simplicity. Though, I thought that the execution was pretty successful. Ab0ut a paragraph or so of the story is presented on separate pages. On each page, there are several words called out in red font. By clicking any of the words in red, you can be lead to a different page. The words you choose to click determine the path that you'll take to read the story. I went through the site at random, choosing different paths each time. It seemed that some of the paths made the story even more difficult to digest...though, I think that's intentional :).

A couple more sites to check out

the writegallery is another cool site to check out. though, i thought the layout of the site was a bit busy and amateur looking, navigating the page was easy and friendly. if you're interested in poetry, simply click "poetry," if it's fiction, or personal essay that's there too. there are also links for author information, submission guidelines and other literary sites. i found this site simple, yet satisfying. why not indulge? http://www.thewritegallery.com/

backhand stories - this site is pretty great! it even gives you the option of subscribing and having stories sent to your inbox. the site publishes new short stories, flash fiction, non-fiction and essays by new and unpublished writers. the site is easy to search and the work that's published seems pretty wide in range. definitely work checking out!
http://www.backhandstories.com/

Pittsburgh in Words - A Creative Nonfiction Website

This site is a favorite of mine, because it combines both classic and quirky, famous and emerging authors, short essays and long. The set-up of the site is pretty cool too. There are several ways of choosing an essay to read. For instance, you can choose a random word from a word bank taken from each essay or you can choose an essay by author. Essays are added to the site often and submissions from up-and-coming writers.

http://www.pittsburghinwords.org/

Anxious for Spring

When I relocated to Maryland, I thought that I'd left gloomy winter months and artic air in New York. I was officially below the Mason-Dixon line. I'd be getting away with light-weight, trendy leather jackets and stylish scarves - intended to compliment my outfit, not to warm my neck - in December and January. I didn't pack any winter boots that didn't have a 3 inch heel, because my days of piling on three pairs of socks and sloshing through thick, wet winter matter were over.

Today, it snowed. And I had no boots with traction or scarves that weren't silk and sheer. I could hear Baltimore laugh. I suppose, this is the "gotcha."